Communication Skills

Are we Communicating Effectively?
Humans are social beings who continually interact with people. The soundness of our relationship with people is largely based on our interpersonal skills. Interpersonal skills are the skills that a person uses to interact with other people. Interpersonal skills are sometimes also referred to as communication skills. No matter how hard you work or how brilliant you are, if you cannot connect with people around you, you will lead a life of conflict or emotional detachment from those around you. We start learning interpersonal skills from the time we are born, the very first and natural means of communication for a baby is to cry and as we grow, we gradually learn how people are likely to react to what we say and do. Some of the interpersonal skills that the Quran refers to are:

1. “Take to Forbearance:” Make allowance for human nature and do not be too harsh with those who err. The shortcomings you see in others are simply a reflection of your own human weaknesses. Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam once asked the Ashaab Radhi-Allahu anhu: “Should I not inform you of an individual who becomes forbidden for the fire of hell and the fire of hell becomes forbidden for him?” “A person who is gentle, soft, near the hearts of people and easy going.” (Ahmed)

2. “Enjoin the Doing of Right:” You can only advise people to do good if you believe they have the potential to do so. Focus on their potential and not on their limitations. If people know we expect good things from them, they will in most cases go to great lengths to live up to our expectations. If you treat people on the basis of what they can be, you help them to become what they are capable of becoming.

3. “Leave alone those who Choose to be Quarrelsome:” Once the Prophet Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam was sitting with his Companions, and one person used insulting words against Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu causing him pain. But Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu remained silent. The person again used bitter words against Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu and still Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu did not respond. The third time when this ignorant person hurt Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu with his tongue, Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu tried answering back. At this point the Prophet Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam got up. Abu Bakr Radhi-Allahu anhu asked him, “Are you displeased with me, O Messenger of Allah?”

The Prophet Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam replied, “No, but (when you remained silent) an angel came down from the heaven responding to this man's talk. But the moment you started replying to that man, the angel went away and the devil sat down. And I cannot sit where the devil is sitting.”
(Abu Dawud)

4. Use Appropriate Words: “O You who believe! Remain conscious of Allah and always speak appropriate words…” (33:70) Inappropriate words include being sarcastic, hurtful, or saying what you do not mean. Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam has said: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or keep silent.” “Watch what you say! Say what you mean, and mean what you say!”

5. Learn to Listen: “In this (the rise and fall of nations) there is a reminder for everyone who has a heart, everyone who lends an ear with a conscious mind.” (50: 37) Can you lend an ear without a conscious mind? This verse shows the difference between simply hearing and listening. Listening is to hear with the presence of heart and mind. To give thought and to reflect at what is being said. Concentrate on what the speaker is saying. The best way to persuade people is with your ears— by listening to them.

6. Be Conscious of your Body Language: Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, which consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements. As humans we send and interpret such signals subconsciously.

Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam was reprimanded for frowning in front of and turning his face away from a blind man, because he was annoyed at him interrupting a very important discussion he was having with the chiefs of the Quraish. The blind man could not have possible picked up the body language of Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam yet he was reprimanded so that we may know the importance of non-verbal communication.

Interpersonal skills could be summarised in one short hadith of Nabi Sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam who said: "Be a bearer of glad tidings and do not scare people away from you , make things easy and no dot make things difficult.” (Abu Dawud)

Make Allah grant us the power to communicate effectively. Aameen.
(An abridged New Hijri Year Message from Jamiatul Ulama South Africa)